TwoOfUs.org

Most Recent Blog Posts

• Having more kids in the late 3 Having more kids in the late 30's!

  • From: sweetnsexy
  • Description:

    I have one daughter who is 5 years old and last year i have just started college again to become a social worker. I have one year left to get my associates in human services but want to get my bachelor's degree first before having more children. I also want to be married first or atleast engaged. My man has been wanting more kids too but i feel like my dream has been put on hold before because i have to stay home with the kids and wait for them to get in school for me to do anything with myself. My dream has alway been to graduate college but i feel if i keep going on to college and with my biological clock ticking i will never be able to have more kids if i keep trying to pursue my dream of a bachelor's degree. I feel i can alway go back to college but i cannot always have children. What do i do? Do i put my dream on hold of finishing college to have more children or do i stick it out and wait?

  • Blog post
  • 4 days ago
  • Views: 2
  • Not yet rated

• Hanging out with the opposite Hanging out with the opposite sex!

  • From: sweetnsexy
  • Description:

    I have met my male best friend way before i met my new man. I went to high school down south so one day he called me up to let me know he will be coming my way for the weekend and wanted to see me. I told my boyfriend and he said ok. He seemed like everything was cool. But when i was showing him about town he kept calling me and started to make me feel real uncomfortable like he didn't trust me or something. If you read my first blog you would know why. I told him you knew of this person from the start because he was still calling me when we first got together. Me and my guy best friend never was a couple. He's married but he tells me so married men cheat too. I just told him well if he ever wants to come back to town and wants me to show him around again then you are going to have to deal with your insecurities. I'm i wrong?

  • Blog post
  • 4 days ago
  • Views: 2
  • Not yet rated

• He's a selfish bastard! He's a selfish bastard!

  • From: sweetnsexy
  • Description:

    I have been with my man for 13 years. not married or engaged. Co-habitating. That is a whole nother issue i have with that but 5 months ago a saw a text in man's phone flirting with a girl and i was very upset. I just felt betrayed and hurt because i never gave him a reason to feel like he has to emotionally cheat on me. That is what i call it. He tried to deny it at first but then when i told him i saw the text message he had to come out and tell me the truth. He text the girl and let her know he cannot text her anymore. it is becoming between him and his family. Before that he has been making comment on his facebook page and i made him delete his whole page. You would thinking i would be happy he ended the emotional affair but i still have a lot of resentment towards him. He tells me he only did it because he wanted to see if he still got it. I told him you shouldn't care about how other woman sees you. It should only matter what i think of you. I feel after 13 years i should be happy and planning a wedding. I don't even know if i feel like getting married anymore. So do i even feel the need to stay or should i try to get some couple counseling and fight for my relationship?

  • Blog post
  • 4 days ago
  • Views: 3
  • Not yet rated

• Talking About Sex Talking About Sex

  • From: dhub
  • Description:

    The other day my wife and I were driving home at the end of a long day when we were trying to decide where to go for dinner. By default we each know about three or four places that the other one likes and a few that we would rather not visit. These preferences sometimes overlap with her liking one that I don’t and vice versa.

    Why do we know about these preferences? Well the answer is simple: We have discussed the various reasons as to why we “hate” this place with the slow service, or that place due to their food being poorly prepared. We can name specific examples to support the reasons to visit each restaurant that we “love” and specific reasons not to commute the others, and we seldom shy away from providing this information upfront and quickly!

    The question I ask for those reading this post: How many of us are this forthright and honest about our preferences regarding sexual intimacy with a partner? There may be certain needs or preferences in this area of a relationship that are far more vital to a relationship (when compared to a visit to the local taco stand) that never get mentioned or discussed.

    Why is this?

    Perhaps, like me, you were taught that many of these topics are taboo. Quite honestly, they may be inappropriate to discuss with dinner guests or the in-laws, but that does NOT mean we should pass on having these conversations in the privacy of our own homes, between spouses.

    Another reason this topic stays untouched may be due to your fear of hurting a partner’s feelings, and I honestly believe that this is a noble reason. However, by not discussing these needs, wants, and potential problems, you may be setting yourself up to hurt your partners in a far worse way.

    Think of it this way. If you have always taken your spouse to a certain restaurant that you assume to be a “Couple’s Favorite”, imagine that one day, your partner says, “I’ve never really liked this place, and I’m not sure why we keep coming back!”

    Suddenly you feel deceived. It’s natural. It’s painful. However, it’s also preventable with a little more communication.

    By disclosing our intimate needs, wants, and preferences with our partners we may just discover other ways to foster a better marital relationship.

    Finally, and perhaps most importantly, make sure that you have these conversations at appropriate times. The only way I know how to put this in subtle terms is this: Complaining about the dinner at the restaurant while eating at the restaurant can lead to a calamity.

    So find a quiet time to discuss your preferences with your spouse in all areas of a relationship.

    After all, since you’re in this relationship for the long-haul, it may as well be the best experience of your life!

  • Blog post
  • 6 days ago
  • Views: 127

• A Better Way to Keep Score: Ke A Better Way to Keep Score: Keeping Score Can Keep Your Relationship Happy

  • From: ShelaDean
  • Description:

    I know. That's contrary to what gurus have been spouting since the day Adam met Eve. So, before you decide I'm some sort of nut, let me add that I am no-way-Jose advocating the all too popular tit-for-tat "two rights make a wrong" justification of your bad behavior by that of your partner.  Nope. That is not a good idea, not if you want a great relationship.
    
    Having said that, it's time to 'fess up. We all keep score. Even the most destined-for-sainthood soul to ever grace planet Earth, can't help but notice if their sweetheart "wins" more often than not, has stepped on their toes one too many times, or has been wonderful more often than not.

    
    That's because we assess a thing's value and make decisions by quantifying. To determine if the car you're considering is worth the price, which house to buy, whether to get a dog, move to another state, or stay in a relationship, you weigh the pros and cons. You calculate the pluses and minuses.
    
    In your relationship, points are being awarded and deducted all day long. Your sweetie brings you coffee in bed, plus five. Morning coffee follows a night of wild sex, 30-point bonus.  You have a day of nonstop meetings and your sweetheart has lunch delivered to your office, 20 points.  Lunch includes your favorite cheesecake, 10-point bonus. Your partner borrows your car and returns it with an empty tank, minus ten. Stopping for gas makes you late for a meeting, 20 point penalty. Your sweetie leaves a wet towel on the bed, minus five. It was on your side, 20-point penalty. It's the fourth time this week, 50-point penalty.
     
    It's this kind of "scorekeeping" we can't help but do. True, we don't give or deduct actual points, but we give greater emotional weight to what most affects us. If it were otherwise, the gift of a sports car would have the same "point value" as a paperback; infidelity would have the same "point penalty" as being late for dinner. 
    
    Every lost point results in a wound to the relationship. Acts of love, kindness and support mitigate the damage.  It's the balance of pluses to minuses that determines the health of our relationship. Given that, shouldn't it be your goal to earn as many and lose as few points as possible?  It's easy if you start every day by asking yourself how you can make your sweetheart's day better. Take a moment to clean the cat box even though her cat doesn't give you the time of day.  Sew that button on his shirt even though he knows where the needle and thread are kept as well as you do.  Offer to run an errand, have her car washed, prepare his favorite meal. And never miss an opportunity to go for the gold. She doesn't get her Ph.D. every day. He doesn't land a big promotion every day. Make those occasions special.
    
    Stop pretending you don't keep score.  Instead, keep score in a way that reminds you of the big and little ways in which you love each other. Do it with Frequent Foreplay Miles, a system for creating and sustaining what I call Total Intimacy. With Frequent Foreplay Miles any couple-straight or gay, married or not-can learn how to nix the tit-for-tat and instead build a rock-solid relationship.

     

    About the Author:

    Shela Dean is a relationship coach, speaker and Amazon bestselling author of Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy, available through amazon.com and other book sellers. For more information, visit her website at http://www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com.

  • Blog post
  • 3 weeks ago
  • Views: 116
  • Not yet rated

• Routinely Recharging Relations Routinely Recharging Relationships

  • From: dhub
  • Description:
    I usually start out my day at 6:00 AM with my wife and I getting ready at the same time. I usually take a little less "prep" time as my hair can either be combed or covered with a hat. If I'm not lecturing that day, I prefer the hat.  
    
    
    Since I take less time readying myself, I use that time to feed and water the dogs. Our dogs have become as nearly eccentric as me as they now only prefer water fresh from the tap. I mean directly, fresh from the tap.
    
    
    To satisfy this preference, my wife and I simply turn on the water for our bath tub while our dogs climb to the side of it and gulp the nice cool water directly from the spout. (Strange, I know, but unless they are extremely thirsty they won't drink from the bowl anymore.)
    
    After feeding and watering the dogs, I let them outside for their morning "constitutional". This includes the not-so-pleasant business that I hate to pick up, and it also includes our pups smelling and wandering about in the yard to observe everything outdoors. 
    
    
    Finally, after some yelling, and my corralling of the basset hound back towards the house, they get to go back to their rooms for the day. I assure you that they are quite pampered as the dogs get their own room with an ottoman that our basset has claimed as his very own "day bed". 
    
    My wife and I then leave our house together at around 6:45 AM ready to take on the day. I drop her off at her work, and then I drive to my office. 
    
    

    At around 4:45 PM I wrap up my projects for the day, and I then leave to pick up my wife from her job. 

    
    

    As I arrive at the parking lot of her office, I send a simple text that says, "I'm here.". 

    Sometimes I get a reply that says, "I'm running late. Sorry!" 

    I reply, "No problem, I'm enjoying a book."

    
    

    As we leave, I ask her how her day was, and then she tells me of her experiences with her work day. 

    
    

    Sometimes it's a venting session. Other times it's one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. Some details I don't understand because I get confused with medical jargon, but I listen anyways.

    
    Other times she asks me about my day, and I share some of my experiences as well.
    
    

    These approximately 15 minutes driving home are so valuable to me, because it's during this time period that my wife and I get to connect and debrief from the day's events.

    
    

    I consider it our safety net, where we both get to unwind, talk, and relax after a long day in the office, and I so value this time.

    
    

    My point in sharing these seemingly mundane daily routines in our lives is to show how these can, quite often, include little habits and routines that shape our behaviors, our character, and perhaps most importantly, our relationships. Just as our dogs our conditioned to drink from the tub, so too, are my wife and I "trained" to be comfortable as we visit and connect on a daily basis.

    
    

    It has not always been this way. It is something we have worked to develop, and I'm so happy that we did. It certainly is a relationship recharge.

    
    

    When do you and your spouse connect? Is it during the morning? Evening? Maybe a late-night chat?

    
    

    Please share your experiences! They may help us all.

  • Blog post
  • 3 weeks ago
  • Views: 133

• Improving Intimacy in Marriage Improving Intimacy in Marriage

  • From: ShelaDean
  • Description:

    About Marriage Intimacy

    
    Intimacy is the cornerstone of marriage but it's not just about sex. True, sex is the physical intimacy that gives a relationship snap, crackle and pop excitement. However, it is emotional intimacy that sustains the relationship as it matures and the couple settles into everyday life. The benefits of a happily intimate marriage are far reaching. It's not only good for the couple but its byproducts spill over into the lives of their children, friends, family members, and even beyond to their work environment and community.
    
    The Challenge of Maintaining Intimacy

    
    Every couple wants to be intimate at all levels. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done. The realities of everyday life-careers, the house, the children, and the run-you-ragged rigors of day-to-day living-are demanding and can wreak havoc on intimacy. Making it even more difficult, a relationship is made up of two complex individuals who, although alike in fundamental ways, are different in a zillion little ways. And it's those differences that lead to the arguments, misunderstandings, hurt and disappointment that morph into grudges, long-term resentment, and emotional distance.  The loss of emotional intimacy can make the relationship, once a source of joy and a place of refuse, a source of stress and an unhappy place to be.
    
    Improving Intimacy - The Strategy
    
    Maintaining an emotionally intimate relationship is easier when couples remember a few basics:
    
    1.    Foreplay is all day, 24/7, and includes everything that you do that in any way affects how your partner feels about you. Just as great foreplay is essential to Wow! sex, great emotional foreplay is essential to a Wow! relationship. Every occasion, even the diciest situation, is an opportunity for emotional foreplay if handled properly.

    
    2.    Although we can all agree that tit-for-tat is death to a relationship, we humans nevertheless keep score in the sense that we know whether our partner wins more arguments than we do or has pleased us more often than disappointed us. Anyone can tell you, at any given moment, whether his or her partner's score is over the moon, subterranean, or just high enough to get by. If each partner does his or her best to do those things that will garner points by doing things and handling everyday interactions in a way that resonates with the others view of how things should be, emotional intimacy is enhanced.

    
    3.    Differences are just that, not matters of right and wrong. We often hear that being married is hard work. It's not. What's hard work is being "right" and "remodeling" our partner to our version of perfection. Sure, sometimes you have to resolve differences but arguing about them as if one of you is right and one of you is wrong is futile. When you have your feelings hurt or are disappointed, do your best to give your sweetheart the benefit of the doubt. Chances are that your hurt or disappointment is nothing more than a clash in how you and your partner see the world. Don't let those feelings turn into emotional-intimacy-destroying grudges. When you can't reason the feeling away, then share your feelings in a non-judgmental and constructive way so that your partner has the chance to clarify the situation.
    
    Most importantly, remember that it is the little things that really make or break a relationship. Most failed relationships do not suffer one fatal body blow. Most failed relationships suffer death by a thousand cuts. For a happier, long-lasting relationship, treat every moment as one that either makes or breaks your relationship. And treat emotional intimacy as the crown jewel of your togetherness.
    
    
    Shela Dean is a relationship coach, speaker and author of Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy, available at Amazon.com and other booksellers. For more information, please visit http://www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com.

  • Blog post
  • 4 weeks ago
  • Views: 54
  • Not yet rated

• Making Memories Regardless of Making Memories Regardless of the Cost

  • From: dhub
  • Description:

    Years ago when I was a teenager attending Sunday School, a few classmates and I found ourselves listening to the same sermon over and over again with the folliwing theme: "Tomorrow is promised to no one." We eventually took this lesson to mean maximizing our fun, and we snuck out during the Sunday School hour to grab some fried food at the local gas station. The teacher meant well, but we were hesitant to listen as we merely assumed we had our whole lives in front of us. 
    

        
        After attending the funeral of loved ones, this past couple of months has taught me to appreciate that Sunday School teacher's theme on life.
        
        I'm not suggesting that we should all pull out our "bucket-lists" and set speedier deadlines. Instead, I'm suggesting that we make a list of some memories we would like to make this year with our friends, family members, and loved ones.
    
    
        In a book titled, Well Being: The Five Essential Elements, Tom Rath and Jim Harter describe some key elements to focus on to improve our lives. One point that they make is that in order to enhance our financial well-being we need to spend money on memories.
    
    
        I believe this is especially relevant for family relationships, and I feel that this is done by not only spending money, but also by spending time and energy towards making memories with those we care about.
    
    
        I've previously mentioned how an adult child seldom looks back reflecting on the quality of the floor tiles in the kitchen of their childhood, but one question remains: How do we make memories that everyone, or at least most of us will cherish?
    
    
        Perhaps what feels like a vacation to some folks may seem like more of an exhausting chore for others, especially if there is no interest in what is being done on the vacation.  So there may be more benefits to taking a vacation if you get every family members' plans on the same page.
    
    
        For example, my wife and I just took a trip to visit family in Utah. I love visiting her parents, siblings, etc, and I consider them my family as much as hers. However, I always enjoy small "asides" when we spend time with family. On this trip we went camping on a Lake, hiking up to some rocks with ancient writing carved into them, and exploring the canyons in the surrounding mountains. 
        
        Another major point to make is that quite often we make pleasant memories in our day-to-day actions. So it's vital that you and I look for times in our daily lives when we can make positive memories. Examples of these activities may include putting a puzzle together, playing a board game, taking a walk, or writing and sending letters to family members. One of my favorite memories that Rachel and I share was writing a letter to our niece and nephew, and then driving to the post office to mail it. 
    
    
        Quite often, there can be so many memories made with so little expense. I would love to hear other suggestions on how to make "low-cost" memories as a family. Also, if you have taken a recent family trip, what have you done to make it more enjoyable and less painful. I believe we could all use some great suggestions!
    
    
    Thanks for the help!

  • Blog post
  • 1 month ago
  • Views: 107

• To be a Goober-Face Is Human To be a Goober-Face Is Human

  • From: dhub
  • Description:
    A few weeks ago we had a visit from my wife's parents and from her brother's family. I consider them my family as well, but I wanted to accurately paint the picture of those who came to visit us. They drove over 16 hours far from the comforts of their homes in the cool Rocky Mountains to pile into our small rented house in the hot and humid countryside of Oklahoma. I look back with fond memories on this special visit they made for many reasons including the special time my wife and I got to spend with four of our nieces who we love so much. They are topnotch children with topnotch parents. Kudos to Dan, Jen, Bill, Pat, and the girls for taking your large family across the country for a visit. It meant the world to us.
    
    
    
    
    
    
        I write about this "visit from the in-laws" in the wake of hearing others complain about their extended family. Some are too "nosy" or "meddling" in the couples' marriages, while others are too "hands-off" and "laissez faire" while they "ignore" the couple and their children. I mention this not to condemn. I want to raise awareness of an issue in human relationships.
    
    
    I assume that most, if not all married couples have human in-laws. I emphasize the word "Human" here.
    
    
    I'm reminded of a quote from the English poet Alexander Pope. He said, "To err is human; to forgive, divine."
    
    
    So here comes the irony! 
    
    
    Why, if humans make mistakes, do we find ourselves dehumanizing them for those very mistakes that make them human? In other words, why do we seem to ignore the fact that these people experience sadness, pain, happiness, love, and guilt while emphasizing the fact that they just came across to us as great big meanie goober-faces? I use the word "WE" because I am a guilty of this too. 
    
    
    From time to time I find myself seeing "offending" family members as goober-faces who like to offend me no matter what. However, when I take the time to think things through, this "goober-face" theory never holds true. When I think things through I discover that this offending person actually meant no offense, was tired, or maybe had a bad day at work. Quite often I discover this when it's too late. I've already called them a goober-face, so now I have fix the problems that come with calling someone such a terrible thing.
    
    
    According to Morrie Schwartz we need to forgive ourselves as well as others before we die (see the book, Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom). 
    Applying this simple principle, I would suggest that those of us who get angry and dehumanize friends or family members (or even strangers) begin by recognizing that we made a mistake, forgiving ourselves for that mistake, and then, of course, forgiving those labeled as goober-faces in the first place. 
    
    
    Remember... that they are only human.  Remember... that you are only human.
    
    
    Now is the time to raise our divinity with a little forgiveness... right?
    
    
    Now if you are having boundary issues, I would suggest reading this fabulous post by Dr. Neill Neill as well as typing the word "boundaries" into the search box at the top of the twoofus.org web page. 
    
    
    In the mean time, let us not forget to love and forgive our friends and family for whom we all truly are: Humans who sometimes act like goober-faces.

  • Blog post
  • 2 months ago
  • Views: 157
  • Not yet rated

• Mismatched Libido Mismatched Libido

  • From: pandagirl
  • Description:

    Hi,

     

    So my bf of 5 years (high school sweetheart!) and I are having MAJOR clashes because of sex. My libido is about 3 times stronger than his, and it's lead to some real problems. I really express love through touch, and when he doesn't want to make love, it feels like he doesn't love me and hurts deeply. This in turn hurts him deeply. I've tried to tone it down with masturbation, which definitely helps but he really doesn't like the idea of me needing to do that. It's gotten to the point that he's seriously considering dumping me so I can find someone who's a better match sexually. All this is compounded because we're both college students that seasonally live with very conservative parents, so we rarely even get the opportunity to make love. We've talked about it til we're blue in the face, but it doesn't seem to be helping much. Any advice? I'm desperately in love with him and want this to work.

     

     

  • Blog post
  • 2 months ago
  • Views: 74
  • Not yet rated

• our son our son

  • From: triciamcp
  • Description:

    our son is going to scout camp next week and I would like to get some romantic time with my husband, but when I try to make advances, he just pats my back and shrugs it off. Not sure what to do!!! I need help!!!!

  • Blog post
  • 2 months ago
  • Views: 82
  • Not yet rated

• Pulling my hair out.... Pulling my hair out....

  • From: butterfly319
  • Description:

    Been with a great guy since just before Thanksgiving, a few weeks ago he sprung on me he never wants kids and never wants to get married; which of course I want both more than anything. He went on to say that I'm his best friend and he wants nothing more on Earth than me to be happy, and he knows I won't be without my own family. Therefore I should see other people, to find a husband. He continued to say he would love to be "uncle" to my kids, and maybe even good friends with whomever I end up with.  I'm devistated, I was planning on "forever" with this guy, and in the beginning; he said he wanted a family- if I had known otherwise, I never would've been with him to start.

    He went to a party a few nights ago and got so drunk- things were said to contradict what he says sober. I said I refuse to see other men until we at least go to therapy. He laughed and said no way......
    

    Someone help!

    We either need to get to the bottom of his extreme adversion to family life, or I need help ending things.

  • Blog post
  • 2 months ago
  • Views: 47
  • Not yet rated

• Been Married for 8yrs need hel Been Married for 8yrs need help

  • From: aflores
  • Description:

    I recently lost my job and nearly my family, these past few months have been great for me and up untill recently i thought it was going good for my wife as well, but i guess not. After i lost my job i did the right thing i had told her right away she take it very well and was very upset i had no idea that the feelings she were bottled up inside for months. She did give me a signs here and there that she was feeling lonely and discouraged and i totally missed every sign that was given. Well she finally told me about these feelings that was feeling towards me and she ha told after i had lost my job which wasn't very cool, i kinda felt like i had did everything wrong and there was nothing i could do about it. To top it off over the weekend we had went on a camping trip with one of her freinds and his spouse and with other freinds of hers from high school. That night was probably the worse, again i did everyhting wrong i got mad for no reason and i had hardly talked with here the hole night.  by the end of the night those bottled up feelings came back up again. And needless to say the over the next couple of days were kinda scary cause i had no idea what was going through here head. On Monday morning while she was getting ready for work i had checked her phone for txt messages that she might had sent out and i seen a couple of them there sent to a paticular freind of hers that had seemed to be as if though she had cheated on me but she swears up and down that she did'nt. So i had no choice to believe her because they had just met after so many tears of being out of contact. We have since then talked about everything so far it is ok. I just need some advice on what to do next to make sure that i dont fall back into my old self and to make sure we don't get to this point again...

  • Blog post
  • 2 months ago
  • Views: 83
  • Not yet rated

• My Feet Hurt at the Amusement My Feet Hurt at the Amusement Park, So Why Do I Keep Going Back?

  • From: dhub
  • Description:

    Now is the time when so many of us load up a car and take a trip across the countryside trying to make positive memories with those we love so much.

    
    

    That’s right! I’m talking about our family vacation.

     

    My wife and I were discussing one of our last trips to a popular amusement park, and we smiled as we thought of all the positive memories we had of the place. We have been there at least four times, and with each visit I have noticed a pattern regarding our selective memories at this celebrated landmark of fun.

     

    A few months removed from these trips we tend to focus on the positives from our experiences. On the other hand, painful experiences tend to disappear with time and are only fresh on our minds while living in those moments. I love remembering things such as the music as we sit on the rides, the laughter as we see the shows, and the taste of all that special park foods. Turkey drumsticks… YUMMY!

     

    However, I seldom smile when I think of the negatives such as our sore legs, the sunburns, the price of those drumsticks, or the constant waiting in line for various rides. In fact, I tend to forget about my sore feet right up until they’re sore again on day two of our latest trip to that same park. It’s then that I say, “Now I remember why I put gel insoles on my shopping list and promised to lose 20 pounds before our next park visit!”

     

    I believe that it's perfectly fine to forget the pains from our past trips.

    If we didn’t forget those negatives, we may never take future trips again... right?

     

    However, I do feel that it is important to remember negatives when reflecting on one area of our lives: Past Romantic Relationships. This is especially important if we are comparing those past relationships with our current ones.

     

    Let me say this another way: When you are getting that “friend invite” on your social networking sight from an “ex”, and you begin thinking back on your past relationship with him/her, DO NOT fool yourself into forgetting why you call this person an “ex” in the first place.

    
    

    Quite often when we are “in the moment” of a relationship, we see, all too closely, the negative aspects of it. This can be a problem if we are focusing on all the “negatives” in our current relationship while ignoring the very real, but quite often forgotten “negatives” that were major parts of our past relations.

    
    

    I’m not suggesting that relationships don’t need repairs. They all do! Some need more help than others, and there are plenty of relationship education and counseling options to use (This website has a wonderful list.).

     

    I am suggesting that we should suspend the romanticized and false views we create regarding our past romances. Trust me! There was a reason (or more accurately many reasons) why you broke up with your previous partners, even if you can’t seem to remember it (or them).

     

    Here in Oklahoma, many cows can be seen while driving on the highways. If you take a moment to look for them, you may even see a few cows straining their necks under a fence to eat the grass that is just on the outside of their current pasture. I bring this up as I suggest that we husbands and wives should not take the “grass is greener on the other side” perspective when it comes to our own relationships. Quite often, like the cattle seen on Oklahoma roadways, we somehow forget about the sandburs that poke our noses when we reach across the fence. The relationship sandburs are much more disastrous!

    
    So let’s keep our noses safe from sandburs as we enjoy the pasture in which we now graze. Trust me, your pasture is fine. If you need to green it up, get some relationship fertilizer from twoofus.org.
    
    Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to plan another trip with my family to the park. If only I could remember why I scribbled the word “insoles” on last year’s park brochure...

    
    

  • Blog post
  • 2 months ago
  • Views: 163
  • Not yet rated

• Pants on Fire Pants on Fire

  • From: IveBeenFakingIt
  • Description:

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He asked me to marry him about 3 months after we met. At that time everything was great and I was more than happy to accept. Since then, things have been slowly going downhill and we're growing apart. I'm not really sure how to approach him anymore. My children (ages 9 and 12) adore him and think he's the greatest guy on the planet. This only makes the situation tougher.

     

    Our major issues:

     

    Health. When we met, we bonded over our desire to get healthy, experience new things, and become active. Although he is severely obese, I believed him when he told me he was mid-way through his journey to fit and wanted to continue. It turns out that wasn't the case at all. He loves  talking about getting healthy, but putting it into action seems to escape him still. I hate to let this become an issue, but if we're being honest it is a HUGE issue for me. I am looking for someone to grow old with and that's not going to be very possible with him considering he is 5'8" and pushing 400 lbs. Also, his weight limits our sex life a LOT.

     

    Honesty. He feels the need to "BS" people all the time, including me. He will tell me whatever sounds right at that moment and I honesty believe he doesn't even realize he's doing it anymore. I try to explain to him that when he lies to other people it worries me.. and when he lies to me it destroys my trust. I just caught him last night lying to get my son in trouble. I was shocked. I don't understand how he can allow insecurity to rule him like it does, but still be willing to do so little to gain confidence. I would be confortable saying he lies to me atleast once every single day. I just don't see a need for it.

     

    Sex. It's non-existent. It's not that I don't have a sex drive. My sex drive is through the roof, actually. He just becomes less and less attractive to me the more he lies, the less he helps me around the house, the more he lectures and yells at the kids, the more he farts and burps, and the less motivated he becomes to take charge of his life.

     

    Family. His family drives me insane. They lie, cheat, steal, and are all around not fun people. They are not emotionally healthy for my children. His sister STOLE over $50k from his sick grandmother. How can he really expect me to trust these people?

     

    He says all I do is complain and he feels bitched at constantly. This is probably true. I have gotten to the point where I complain a lot. I guess when a guy tells you to just tell him when something bothers you, there should be a "within reason" implemented each time. I worry that we're finding out we're just not as compatible as we thought. I would like to stay with him, but I'm not sure if I am what he's looking for and vice versa. I cut him so much slack because this is his first major relationship ever and he did jump in with a woman with 2 kids... but part of me feels like it has gotten to the point where I'm giving up so much of me to be with him.

    Last night I caught him lying to try and get my son in trouble. It really upset me and I'm left debating if I even want to be in this relationship anymore.

     

    Sigh.

  • Blog post
  • 3 months ago
  • Views: 76
  • Not yet rated

• Help With My 5 Year Marriage! Help With My 5 Year Marriage!

  • From: stephtori
  • Description:

    I have been married to a wondeful man for 5 years and have been with him for 6 years! We have had alot come between us over the past year and alot of hurtful things have been said between us. I feel that my husband has a medical condition that he needs help with and I can't pull myself to give up on him. I have alot of family and friends that are willing to stand behind me and him and get him the proper help that he needs. I just don't know what to do with myself at the moment as far as making the hurt go away from all the hurtful things he has said to me. I know that it is not him and he needs help but I need help getting through this myself. PLEASE HELP!

  • Blog post
  • 3 months ago
  • Views: 104
  • Not yet rated

• held down. held down.

  • From: kkns56
  • Description:

    i feel like im being held down by my boyfriend. we do have a child together and have been together for 7 years. i feel like i have so much time invested in this but then at times i feel as if im in this just because its been so long and im used to it. but i don't want to go through life feeling like that. i do love him but i feel that i cant accept him wholly because he docent like to do things with my family and docent help me out very much. He never does the dishes, never does the laundry, doesn't clean up after himself. i am always the one who does it all. then he feels the i have to give him almost my whole paycheck to pay for the bills when i did tell him that i will take care of all the utilities. he expects me to do everything around the house when i have a night job that i finish at 11:00p.m. and i don't get to bed till about 1:00.i honestly don't know how he really expects me to do everything when i to have a job. i appreciate him for everything that he does for us but when i ask for a little help he makes into a whole big deal and makes me feel like the bad person. 

    i have always felt like a single parent to my child. I was always the one who took care of my son even though my boyfriend was at home with us. he never really paid to much attention to him till recently when i started my night job. but then i still feel like i do everything because he will call me at work to ask where things are. 

    there are also times that i do second guess our relationship. because, of the fact that he will always question the things that i do. i don't go out with my friends when i really want to od those kinds of things and he docent want to. im 22 years old and haven't really gotten to live my life they way that he go to, so i feel that it is unfair to me. we are at a point where we are accutally building a house together. i feel so confused about this, i really don't know what to do anymore. do i stay or do i go.

  • Blog post
  • 3 months ago
  • Views: 97
  • Not yet rated

• why does this happen ? why does this happen ?

  • From: cdubs80
  • Description:

    about two weeks ago, my girlfriend, i and our daughter  when to Maine to see my mother.. in the background my father was flipping out that i didnt have my daughter for spent time with my step brother...  we got up to my mothers who i havent seen in nine months. my father keep calling and given my mother a hard time. after leaving Maine  my girlfriend say to me "why don't we get married," and hearing that made me so happy i started to tear i didn't cry. and now she is like we are friends and makes her own plans when i tell her i have days off and i can't see my daughter. i love her and my daughter with all my heart and i have stood by my girlfriend thru her problems  and am continally telling her how proud i am of her for drop those problem and trying to make her self a better person she needs money im one of the first people that will help her ... my girlfriends family just tries to bring her down ask her to get back in those problems. she doesn't want to find a job but wants to go to school which i am happy she wants to better herself but she has three months before school starts and isnt trying to do anything about . it is to the point  it's causing stress on me . what do i do like i said she is the world to me and i know in my heart she is the one .

     

  • Blog post
  • 3 months ago
  • Views: 71
  • Not yet rated

• What would you do? What would you do?

  • From: cynmart5
  • Description:

    What would you do? How would you talk about it? My fiance of 8 years has opened a profile page on a gay website. he has yet to finish it. We have two kids together. On the profile he says he is casually dating, undesided about children and in the closet.

  • Blog post
  • 3 months ago
  • Views: 51
  • Not yet rated

• Lying Husband Lying Husband

  • From: depressed
  • Description:

    Hello Everyone.  I desperately need some advice.  I was married to a wonderful man 8 months ago.  W ehad been together 9 years prior to getting married.  He had always been reluctant about marriage whereas i was always the one pushing it.  In the end I basically gave him an ultimatum and he finally asked me to marry him.  We have had an amazing decade together.  We have always spent most of our time together when we are not working etc...our families are wonderful and we see them once a week since everyone lives close.Our wedding day was amazing and so happy.  For me it was finally my dream come true.  Then everything came crashing down OUT OF NOWHERE.  I COULD NEVER EXPECT WHAT has happened since our wedding day and noone who knows us would ever believe it.  On our honeymoon, I caught him texting someone though he could never show me the phone and denied it being anything.  I knew then that something was up so i started watching him closely when we returned from our honeymoon and I noticed on th ephone bill i was able to eventually access, that he was calling this woman every day and texting her all day long.  I came to find  out that he had been talking to this other woman for the entre length of our engagement.  He did not stop once we were married and continued to do so even after i found the phone bills.   When i confronted him about it he promised me that he would stop talking to her and that it was nothing.  I let it go and didnt make much of a stink about it, fast forward two months later i find a cellphone in his trunk that i was not aware he had with texts to this other woman saying things like i love you so much it hurts.  I cant wait to continue....I confront him about this and he tells me that hes sorry, that he doesnt want to be with her but that we have communication problems and he doesnt feel like he can talk to me because every time he tries to, i turn it around and tell him hes wrong and im not understanding and i dont accept his viewpoint.  Understood.... I Move on hurt and questioning every day whether he is being honest with me.  at this point my trust is shattered beyond belief and i find that while i want to trust him, my insecutiries show and i am really on top of him almost every day.  8 months later my meltdowns are down to once a week.

    During these 8 months I find clues to tell me that he may still talking be talking to her.  So i tell myself ill only do this once but i have to know.  i put a recording device in his car, and i get a conversation of him and her talking while hes driving home one night..  In the tape he says " its easy for me, we dont have a hosue we dont have children we dont have money, i can just abandon her"  I confronted him with this and he went to leave but we were both so upset and we started talking about how this could happen to us.  we are picture perfect to everyone.  I thought we were happy....he wasnt/ He told me that for the last eight months, he tried to stop talking to this woman, but when i melted down every week it made him go back to her.  He has never once admitted to an affair, saying that they are just friends and she is someone he can talk to.  He told me that he feels like an empty shell of a person because I have made him stop wanting to have any friends, etc.  He does not have any friends, all his friends are family, so he is always home with me and like I said before, we spend most of our time together.  He comes home after work, has never been home late while this has been going on.  I think that this was more of an emotional affair and I do not believe it was a sexual one, thought with all the lies lately, not sure what i can believe.  I am a really sweet loving person and i believe that he is manipulating me and maybe not as good of a person as i thought.  I do know him and he really is a good person.  I dont know how he got messed up in all of this.  He tells me now that he wants to work it out.  That i just need to be more loving and stop being on top of him so much as I have in the last 8 months.  It was very hard for me to deal with when I ffirst found out that my husband, and the man that i love more than anything in this world, would do this to me during what was to be the best time of our life.  So every day was extremely painful for me for those 8 months and i would preach to him daily about what he needed to do.  He found this to be depleting...which I can understand so i feel like I may have contributed to him going back to this other woman because she was someone he could talk to.  I asked him so many times, are you still talking to her? do u want to?  He would always reply no, that this isnt what we needed, what we needed was love.....sigh...After all this he tells me he does not want her. By the way she is married with two kids. He says he wants me.  he wants us to be happy but that we have to try something different.  i cant come at him anymore and keep him under this microscope and keep questioning him.  He wants me to feel secure and be loving and understanding, be cool and he says this will make everything better.  If i can do that that he can stop talking to the other woman.  I would say things like...are u still talking to this other woman.  If you are, you mind as well stab me in the heart instead of my back? which he basically says insinuated that he was a monster that couldnt be trusted and it didnt make him want to be trustworthy.  He wants me to be cool and say..i know somethings up, u have to fix this !  and leave it at that. trust that he will take of it and let him be a man.  We left off that we both knew what we needed to do inorder to make this marriage survive this..... and that we were going to try. He is depressed and i need to get him happy again.  I have to put aside myself because he seems really lost right now and i just want to help him back to me.  I certainly have not been perfect over th elast couple of years, with my ultimatums and my microscope.  I know he loves me otherwise he wouldnt have married me...And he wouldnt still be here trying to make it work.  I love him despite all this and i just want us to be happy.  I wan to reinvent us and bring back the love.  I know its gonna be hard but i have to try and i think if he sees that i am willing to work so hard for the both of us that he may start feeling hopeful and actually give me what i want which is him.  Please let me know if you think I am doing the right thing.  I really appreciate you taking the time and I hope that if you are going through anything like this that you will be able to be happy again real soon and get whatever it is you want as i so desperately do....

  • Blog post
  • 3 months ago
  • Views: 129
  • Not yet rated